There
are few subjects we Americans have trouble talking about. We’re pretty cool
about sex (except when having ”the talk” with your kid). We’re careful when
discussing politics (unless it’s an election year), and most of us can skirt
around those comments and issues concerning religion.
But there is one
discussion we just can’t quite bring ourselves to have – the dreaded “end of
life” talk where you make your wishes known to your family about how you want
your death to be handled.
That’s
where Death Over Dinner http://deathoverdinner.org comes in. Using their five step interactive
questioner, Death Over Dinner lets you plan out a dinner party where the main
focus will be on what you want when you reach the end of your life.
The
questioner starts with you deciding whom to invite to the dinner. This will
help you decide what you want to achieve during the “talk”, and the website
offers several articles, videos and audios for you and your guests to explore
before the day of the meal.
Once
the get-together is over, there’s still more work to be done. Next step: you
need to make a plan – a real plan. In other words: Write it down! According to
a survey conducted by the California HealthCare Foundation, 82% of people say it’s important to put
their wishes in writing. 23% have actually done it. Death Over Dinner
offers you two tools to assist in getting that done.
The
first is a conversation starter kit that provides step-by-step instructions on
what needs to be done and how to do it. Compiled by the Conversation Project http://theconversationproject.org and the Institute for Healthcare Improvement http://www.ihi.org, the kit begins by reinforcing how important
making your wishes known really is.
One
startling fact from the Centers for Disease Control; 70% of people say they would prefer to die at home. 70% of people die
in a hospital, nursing home or long-term care facility. Something to bear in mind when this task seems daunting ...
How
involved do you want to be in the decision-making process?
Is
quality of life more important to you than quantity of life?
How
involved do you want you loved ones to be in the death process?
Another
online resource is provided by Everplans http://www.everplans.com. They offer a mini workbook that will assist you
in choosing a health care proxy, writing a living will, making funeral arrangements, settling an estate, appointing a power of attorney, even information on how to become an organ donor.
Another
great resource is Death Café http://deathcafe.com where strangers meet to eat, drink and discuss
death. Currently there are over 450 death Cafes in the U.S., Europe and Australia,
with over 3,000 participants.
There
are no employees or staff with Death Café. Individuals simply decide they would
like to host a meeting. A guide on what to do and how to accomplish it is
provided on the website at http://deathcafe.com/how/.
Baby Boomers have been instrumental in getting these talks started. Too many have
had to make, or are now making decisions for aged parents about end-of-life issues. If
a parent did not put those wishes in writing, it can be awkward and stressful to
make them without their guidance. It is much better for everyone to be prepared.
All
it takes is one conversation to start the ball rolling, and then taking those necessary steps to make
sure that your end of life experience is what you want it to be.
~
Joy
If you have attended a Death Over Dinner event, or one like it, let us know what you thought of it.
Also, seriously considering making pre-need funeral arrangements, and like in my state of Ohio, you can also on a separate form write out your designations for who is to handle your funeral at the funeral home if you are like me and do not have children. You can name a primary and also an alternate person who could even be an attorney if you wish to be the person to step in right after you die to make sure that your funeral and burial arrangements are handled the way you would wish. You can include specifics and details. As I was reminded, funeral homes don't look at your will. A will is probated months later in most cases.
ReplyDeleteGood point, Linda Jean!
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