Are You a Tombstone Tourist?

Cemetery in snow

When someone asks what I do for fun, I reply that I’m a tombstone tourist.  It’s nice that there is a word to describe those of us who love to go to cemeteries.  Otherwise, we would have to do a lot of explaining, (which I did until I found ‘the word.’)

A winter sunset in
the cemetery

Brian Neighbors -
A Tombstone Tourist

Tombstone tourist is a term that caught on after Scott Stanton published his book by the same name in 2003.  (The book is about popular musicians and where they are buried.)  Before that, those of us who frequented cemeteries were known, singularly, as a ‘taphophile’ – someone who has “a passion for and enjoyment of cemeteries”. Or in the plural form, by the term ‘taphophilia.’ 

Neglected Crypt

Military Cemetery

Of course, there are other terms that attempt to describe those of us who love visiting graveyards, searching for tombstones and admiring mausoleums.  Just a few of the more popular are ‘grave hunter,’ ‘cemetery enthusiast,’ and ‘graver.’  All sound a bit adventurous, a bit like a PBS documentary title. But I prefer being called a  ‘tombstone tourist.’  It has a more up-beat sound and it makes more sense to me, because we are tourists – on a journey, making discoveries, enjoying ourselves, and our pursuit.   I know I am not a graver - it just sounds a bit odd and morbid to me.

Sunlit Mausoleum

Frankfort, Kentucky Cemetery

When asked what a tombstone tourist is, I can talk (at length) about the cemeteries I have visited, and the ones I want to, expounding on the treasures found there – the exquisite architecture, the impressive history, the genealogical aspects, the magnificent statues, the puzzling symbols, and the fact that I get to enjoy all of this – outside – without crowds, deadlines or paying an outlandish amount for an entertaining afternoon.

Sunlight on a stone

Old Cathedral,
Vincennes, Indiana

And we have history!  Tombstone tourists have existed for thousands of years.  In China, ancestor worship – where family members visit the graves of ancestors, decorate them and ask for their guidance or favor - has been in practice since ancient times. In numerous countries, pilgrimages are still made to the burial sites of saints and other religious figures, to honor them and seek assistance.

Autumn in the cemetery

A Tombstone Tourist Day for me

The advent of the internet has changed what we do, in a way.  Now, you can ‘visit’ a cemetery on line.  While it’s not the same as strolling through a windy autumnal cemetery, searching for an ancestor’s grave, it does make sense if time or finances are holding you back from making the trip.  You can still locate an ancestor’s final resting place on the internet, complete with a photo, on sites such as findagrave.com and interment.com.  Or visit the websites of some of the most famous cemeteries in the world and see them vicariously - still an adventure.

An undisturbed path
through the snow

Summer in the cemetery

But a true tombstone tourist relishes that walk among the stones, surrounded by nature and the elements.  There’s something about following a cemetery road or graveyard path, wherever it may wander, and being surprised, and delighted, by the great discoveries you make just around the bend.  Nothing can take that thrill away.

Tombstone Tourist?  Yes, that’s me!

~ Joy

Remembering Mothers in the Cemetery

St Brigid

Sunday was Mother’s Day, a day that has been celebrated throughout the world since ancient times.  The Romans held a festival to honor Cybele, a mother goddess.  The Greeks had a celebration to honor Rhea, the mother of the gods.  And in Celtic Europe, the goddess Brigid was honored.

Julia Ward Howe

In the United States, Julia Ward Howe is credited with the first attempt to set aside an official day for mom, back in 1870 with her ‘Mother’s Day Proclamation”.    In May 1907, Anna Jarvis set out to make Mother’s Day a national holiday.  In 1914 that holiday was established as the second Sunday in May in the U.S.

Anna Jarvis

Countries throughout the world still have a day or days set aside each year to honor mothers.  Many are more religious or historically based than in the U.S.   It is said that Mother’s Day founder Anna Jarvis, who died in 1948, regretted that Mother’s Day had become a commercialized holiday instead of the reflective remembrance she had wanted.

And, Mother’s Day continues to be one of the most commercialized holidays in the U.S.  According to IBIS World Research, over $2.5 billion is spent on flowers, $1.53 billion is spent on gifts and another $68 million is spent on cards each year.

In the cemeteries too, mothers are remembered and honored in various ways and by various names.  

Some with the standard marker, some with symbols of affection, some with poems and epitaphs.  A mother who has acted as teacher, comforter, caregiver, disciplinarian and friend, who has loved her children and raised them up to let them go is one to be treasured and remembered.

 

She is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone

Or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back

Or you can open your eves and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her

Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what she’d want, open your eyes, love and go on.

(Read at the Queen Mother’s funeral.)

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there, I did not die.

                                    - Mary Frye

Those we love don’t go away,

They walk beside us every day,

Unseen, unheard, 

but always near,

Still loved, still missed 

and very dear.

      - Anonymous

Until Friday -

~ Joy

Grave Superstitions

Today is the ‘Ides of March’ and that seems the perfect time to cover grave superstitions.  A soothsayer, who knew what he was talking about, gave the warning “Beware the Ides of March” to Julius Caesar. Caesar was stabbed 23 times on March 15^th, 44 B.C. by 60 senators – including his best friend, Marcus Julius Brutus, (“Et tu Brute?” –Thank you William Shakespeare.)

My grandmother, Ethyl France Dellinger & Florrie.

Superstitions are actually beliefs we hold without any true or rational basis, beliefs that may be exaggerated or simply false. Superstitions exist for all aspects of life – love, luck, weddings, pregnancy, money, theatre, weather, and, of course, death.  They are passed on from person to person, generation to generation. Call them old wives tales, folklore or prophecy, superstitions foretell or fore sway future events. Growing up in Indiana, I learned my fair share of ‘tall tales.’  My grandmother, Ethyl Dellinger, passed on many family superstitions to me.  Some that I remember that had to do with death include:

Never county the number of cars in a funeral procession. 

(I was a notorious counter.)

Never point at a funeral procession, its bad luck.

Never take flowers from a grave.

If you spill salt, immediately throw some over your left shoulder to keep the Devil at bay.

An owl hooting outside of your window for three nights in a row foretells a death – yours of someone close to you.

Here are some other death superstitions you may have heard.

Death superstitions involving nature:

Flowers will grow on the grave of someone who lived a good line.  Only weeds grow on the grave of someone who was evil.

If a bird flies into your window, there has been a death.

If you see an owl during the day, there will be a death close to you.

An owl hooting outside of your window for three nights in a row foretells a death, yours of someone close to you.

If lightening strikes near the house when someone is dying, the devil has come for their soul.

If it rains in an open grave, it’s bad luck for the family.

If there is a thunderstorm during a funeral, the deceased has gone to hell.

If there is thunder following a burial then the deceased has reached heaven.

Physical death superstitions:

Hold your breath when passing a graveyard so evil can’t enter. 

Another version is:  If you don’t hold your breath when passing a cemetery, you will not be buried.

If you have an involuntary shiver, someone has just walked over your grave.

If you cast a headless shadow then you will die in the next year.

If you lie down in a coffin you are taunting death to come and take you.

Never whistle in a graveyard, you are summoning the Devil.

Never wear anything new to a funeral.  (Shoes seem to have particular significance.)

Coins should be placed on the eyes of the deceased to pay the ferryman, Charon, to row the departed across the underworld river Styx.

Death superstitions in your home:

Howling dogs in the night signify that someone ill in the house will die soon.

If a picture suddenly falls off of the wall, someone you know has died.

You should stop all clocks in the house where someone dies or it will bring bad luck.

Open a window in the room when someone dies so that they can move on.

Cover all mirrors after a death – so that the soul doesn’t get trapped in them.

A casket must be carried out with the deceased’s feet first.

Death and the number 3:

If you hear three knocks and no one is there, someone close to you has died.

If only 3 candles are lit in a room, the person closest to the shortest candle will be the first to die.

Death comes in threes.

Death superstitions about the graveyard:

A metal cross on a grave will hold the spirit there.

A body should be placed in the grave with its head to the west and feet to the east so that when it rises up it will face the sun.

Never remove anything from a gravesite.

It is bad luck to walk on graves.

 

It is bad luck to trip when you’re in a cemetery.

Being buried on the north side of the church is considered unlucky because of the lack of sun.   That area is usually reserved for criminals and suicides.

It is bad luck to go into a cemetery at night, or to be there at the stroke of midnight.

And I just have to mention – Grave Superstitions is my 13^th blog post for A Grave Interest.  (Wish me luck while I search for that rabbit’s foot…… ; )

~ Joy

Graveyards of the Past

As I mentioned earlier this week, there are three types of gravescapes that have been used in the U.S. since the early 1600’s - graveyards, rural cemeteries and lawn cemeteries.

Today we’ll take a look at the graveyard. 

Cemetery in Terre Haute, Indiana

Just the name conjures up visions of an old, desolate hill with worn headstones, heavy shadows and forbidding trees.  

(Cue the Hollywood lightening and howling winds.) 

The word graveyard, according to wikipedia.org, comes from the Anglo-Saxon words of  ‘graf’ meaning a pit, 

and ‘yairden’, which means an open place or garden. From the settlement of the U.S. through the 

eighteenth century, graveyards were what we called the places where we buried our dead.  

White River Chapel and cemetery, Bowman, Indiana

Many graveyards were located adjacent to churches and burials there were at the invitation of the church leaders.  Other graveyards were dedicated family plots. Family (or private) burial grounds can still be found in rural areas, but health codes have led to their diminishing numbers. During the settlement of this country most rural families had a burial site on the family farm.  Or early settlers would gather and select a plot of land on which to bury their families together.  Depending on necessity, it may have been on the first farmland settled in the area, or in a wooded area or on a hilltop not far from their homes.

Hamer Cemetery, Mitchell, Indiana

Graveyards were maintained in the American countryside until after WWII when they eventually fell out of favor.  Several reasons have been given for their demise, including the lack of space for new burials, the opportunity for contagious diseases to spread quickly throughout a community, and frequent requests for churches to bury those who were not their parishioners.

Finding my Great-Great Grandparents,
Pike County, Indiana

Regardless of how you view graveyards, there is no adequate way to describe the feelings that surface when you finally locate your family’s graveyard and stand among your ancestors.  Here is their final resting place, near the land, the people and the community they loved.  A gravely awe-inspiring feeling of connection – 

of coming home to your roots!