Friday, January 17, 2014

Guardians of the Dead


Throughout history it was believed that a cemetery had an appointed guardian; a soul who was left there to protect the cemetery grounds and the departed, not only from visiting humans, but from evil forces as well. 


Today you can take a stroll through a cemetery and find a few graves and monuments that are being “guarded” by stone sentries. These may take many forms including lions, dogs, eagles, angels and soldiers.

Cemetery and grave guardians are never caught looking down as many other statues are in mourning, but a guardian stands with head erect, watching over those they protect. Here are just a few to look for.





Lions
Lions are a symbol of power and strength. They are usually found in pairs, guarding the entrance of a mausoleum against intruders and evil spirits. They are usually shown with one resting while the other keeps watch over the grave. The lion is a noble animal and symbolizes the courage of the departed.


Sphinx
The sphinx closely resembles the lion. It is composed of the head of a human and the body of a lion. A sphinx represents the strength and bravery of the deceased. These are also found in pairs at the entrance to a tomb, guarding against evil spirits.


Eagles
Eagles can be found guarding Civil War military graves. They are strong birds that represent faith, courage and generosity of spirit. A double eagle is usually found at the grave of a 33rd Degree Mason.




Dogs
A dog standing watch at a gravesite symbolizes loyalty, fidelity and vigilance. But there are also reports of ghostly black dogs, known as grims, which guard cemeteries. These shadow dogs are seen mainly in southern US cemeteries and graveyards in Europe. The black dog is known as guardian over the entire cemetery and, according to legend, will chase people out of the cemetery if they are there after dark.



Foo Dogs

Foo Dogs are found at the gates of many Chinese cemeteries. These guardians are a combination of a dog and a lion, and usually are mated in pairs. The male and female Foo dogs guard entryways to tombs and mausoleums. The male is usually located on the right with a ball under his foot, and the female is on the left holding down a playful kitten under her paw. They are said to mimic our roles in life and show that these ties continue after death.


Elks
Elk are found at the site of B.P.O.E. community graves (Benevolent Protective Order of Elks). This fraternal organization was popular during the latter half of the 19th century and first half of the 20th century.


Angels
Angels intercede for the benefit of humans to God. While many are shown in mourning, some angels are shown carrying a child or leading a person toward heaven. In this role, the angel is acting as a guardian of that soul as it is escorted to heaven.




Hooded Figures
The mysterious, hooded and draped figure can be found sitting or standing in front of the grave it guards. Several versions of this guardian can be found in the U.S., and many have names.






Eternal Silence
Grief
In Chicago’s Graceland Cemetery, it is called Eternal Silence. The “Black Aggie” placed in Druid Ridge Cemetery in Pikesville, Maryland was officially named “The Mystery of the Hereafter and the Peace of God that Passeth Understanding.”  The public called it “Grief.”


Other hooded sentries can be found in Bellefontaine Cemetery in St Louis, and in the rear courtyard of the Dolley Madison House in Washington, D.C.





According to legend, the figures walk the cemetery at night. There are also tales that if you look into the eyes of the hooded figure, you will see your own death.








Soldiers
Most military cemeteries have guardians keeping watch over the soldiers. Usually it is a soldier standing with his gun, gazing out over his band of brothers. Soldiers are especially popular in Civil War cemeteries, both at Union and Confederate graves.



“Other” Guardians
And then there are the “other” cemetery guardians. In Europe, the guardian was considered to be the first person buried in a new cemetery. Unfortunately, it is said that some people were selected to be the guardian and were then buried alive in the cemetery in order to achieve it. The same is true of black dogs – a black dog may have been selected to guard a cemetery and was then buried alive in order to denote it as guardian.


Could this be why people have reported hearing disembodied voices in cemeteries telling them to leave? Possibly it is the cemetery guardian vigilantly making sure no one trespasses upon the graves of those interred there – a guardian spirit who takes “rest in peace” quite literally.

~ Joy

Friday, January 10, 2014

Discussing Death Over Dinner





There are few subjects we Americans have trouble talking about. We’re pretty cool about sex (except when having ”the talk” with your kid). We’re careful when discussing politics (unless it’s an election year), and most of us can skirt around those comments and issues concerning religion. 

But there is one discussion we just can’t quite bring ourselves to have – the dreaded “end of life” talk where you make your wishes known to your family about how you want your death to be handled.


That’s where Death Over Dinner http://deathoverdinner.org comes in. Using their five step interactive questioner, Death Over Dinner lets you plan out a dinner party where the main focus will be on what you want when you reach the end of your life.

The questioner starts with you deciding whom to invite to the dinner. This will help you decide what you want to achieve during the “talk”, and the website offers several articles, videos and audios for you and your guests to explore before the day of the meal.


Once the get-together is over, there’s still more work to be done. Next step: you need to make a plan – a real plan. In other words: Write it down! According to a survey conducted by the California HealthCare Foundation, 82% of people say it’s important to put their wishes in writing. 23% have actually done it. Death Over Dinner offers you two tools to assist in getting that done.

The first is a conversation starter kit that provides step-by-step instructions on what needs to be done and how to do it. Compiled by the Conversation Project http://theconversationproject.org and the Institute for Healthcare Improvement http://www.ihi.org, the kit begins by reinforcing how important making your wishes known really is.

One startling fact from the Centers for Disease Control; 70% of people say they would prefer to die at home. 70% of people die in a hospital, nursing home or long-term care facility. Something to bear in mind when this task seems daunting ...

 

The questions in the kit will cause you to consider some tough issues, but the answers
need to be decided by you, and then shared. You will need to consider several factors including:

How much detail do you want to be given about what is happening with you?
How involved do you want to be in the decision-making process?
Is quality of life more important to you than quantity of life?
How involved do you want you loved ones to be in the death process?


Another online resource is provided by Everplans http://www.everplans.com. They offer a mini workbook that will assist you in choosing a health care proxy, writing a living will, making funeral arrangements, settling an estate, appointing a power of attorney, even information on how to become an organ donor.


Another great resource is Death Café http://deathcafe.com where strangers meet to eat, drink and discuss death. Currently there are over 450 death Cafes in the U.S., Europe and Australia, with over 3,000 participants.

Death Café does not provide information about death or dying. Instead, it’s a
chance to meet with others and hold open-ended discussions about death. Meetings can be held in restaurants, community buildings, parks; even festivals.


There are no employees or staff with Death Café. Individuals simply decide they would like to host a meeting. A guide on what to do and how to accomplish it is provided on the website at http://deathcafe.com/how/.



Baby Boomers have been instrumental in getting these talks started. Too many have had to make, or are now making decisions for aged parents about end-of-life issues. If a parent did not put those wishes in writing, it can be awkward and stressful to make them without their guidance. It is much better for everyone to be prepared.




All it takes is one conversation to start the ball rolling, and then taking those necessary steps to make sure that your end of life experience is what you want it to be.

~ Joy

If you have attended a Death Over Dinner event, or one like it, let us know what you thought of it.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Funerals Online - Mourning on Your Monitor



It’s the beginning of a new year. And each year, it seems, we make technical advances that delight, astound, and make the world a smaller place.





Kennedy's Funeral on TV
Whitney Houston's Funeral
Take, for example, the ability to attend a funeral – online. We have been able to watch the funerals of celebrities and political figures on television for years; now we can “attend” a virtual funeral.



And not only you can attend; you can also send flowers, express your condolences, and view the obituary and funeral program, all from your phone or mobile device.

Using a Tablet
For far-flung family and friends, this is a welcome answer to travel dilemmas and financial restrictions. Older folks are now given an opportunity to attend a funeral without encountering the problems of bad weather or the lack of transportation.



The idea has been well received in the Jewish community where funerals must take place within 48 hours of a person’s death. Those serving in the military have also expressed appreciation for the chance to attend a funeral when logistically they could not have done it in person.

 
While the idea of virtual funerals may be new, statistics indicate that over 50% of Americans already watch digitally streamed programs on their phones or mobile devices. We have become a visual culture that understands and accepts the need for this type of service.

The number of funeral homes around the country adding this option to the growing list of services is increasing. Many now offer the option of a live funeral webcast, one that is archived, or both. Digital photos and testimonials can also be made available.



So how does it work? A tiny unobtrusive camera mounted at the rear of the chapel films the funeral service. 







The camera is linked to a computer with software that allows the video to be streamed live. Those attending via webcam can sign in with a password. They can then attend the services and acknowledge their presence to the family. Programs can be made available online. When mourners arrive at the cemetery, GPS can locate the gravesite, and the coordinates can be used by others who may wish to visit at a later time.


Some funeral homes have even gone a step further and offer not only the webcam option but also projectors, screens and computer equipment so that a friend or relative can Skype while sitting in front of a computer and actually appear on the screen at the funeral home to offer a eulogy or words of remembrances during the service.


People who have utilized webcast funerals have expressed satisfaction at being able to have those far away join the family at the funeral, thereby making it a true family experience. Death is a distracting and numbing event for families. By recording the service, family members can also revisit it, giving them a chance to remember happenings they might have missed.



National Webcast http://www.nationalwebcasts.com a company that offers such services to funeral homes says that the demand has grown 250 percent since 2011.  FuneralOne http://www.funeralone.com offers a program called “Life Tributes” that includes webcast and recorded funerals, tribute videos, and memorial websites. The company reported only 126 web cast funerals in 2008. Now the number is in the thousands.


But does this sound the death knell for funeral homes and traditional services? Most funeral directors think not. After all, a funeral service is for remembering and sharing. It is about the human experience, memorializing the deceased and supporting the loved ones left behind. Those who can personally share that grief with the family will do so. A funeral online just opens up another way for those who could not have attended in person to also have closure, allowing “the sorrows of one to become the sorrows of many”
virtually.

~ Joy