Skeletons in the Family Closet

 

Sunset

Tonight at 8 o’clock will mark the 125^th anniversary of the evening my great – great – great - great grandfather, Peter Burkhart killed his wife of 43 years and then turned the gun on himself.  The reason given for the murder – suicide?  The newspaper called it a moment of insanity, a crime of passion.

I've Got a Secret...

If you’ve been involved in genealogy for very long, you’ve probably uncovered a family secret or two.  With the continuing popularity of the hobby, some sociologists are warning that if you dig too deep, you may get more than you bargained for.

Family Secrets

Family secrets can run the gamut from the relatively tame taboos (in today’s world) of cousins marrying cousins, illegitimate children, interracial or interfaith marriages, to criminals, bigamy, mental illness, even into the darker depths of incest, suicide or murder.

We all begin our genealogy journey wanting to discover who our people were, (especially in relation to who we are,) but when we discover a family secret, we need to be prepared handle the information. 

It’s important to remember that every family has a story – some of it good, some not.  And there are skeletons in every family’s closet.  Think about what you will do when you open Pandora’s Box.  What to do will depend on several factors, the most important - Who will it affect NOW?  

Most genealogists abide by the standard rule - do not publish anything about a living person. If someone is still alive that the secret involves directly, or who will be devastated by it, it’s best to keep the status quo, for now.  That does not mean that you are altering your family story or rewriting history. It simply means that you have decided to respect someone’s right to privacy.  But, that also does not mean hiding it forever.

Family secrets and skeletons in the closet are not the same as information that you just were not aware of before.  Secrets are kept hidden, on purpose.  They are an attempt to withhold information about an event or person because family feels shame and/or fears what others will think.

Peter Burkhart

Farming in the 1800's

According to the biographical sketch in the History of Pike County, Indiana, my ancestor, Peter Burkhart was a model citizen.  He had the reputation of being “the greatest hunter and of always keeping the largest number and best bred hounds of any man in the county…. He succeeded well as a farmer.”

The book went on to describe his family - “Elizabeth Snyder became his wife April 1, 1844. They became the parents of nine children, eight of whom are married and living within three miles of their father.  They all have families but none of their children have died.  The family history presents remarkable instances of longevity.”

The sketch refers to Peter as having “always been a Democrat in politics and served as township trustee six terms…. He has been one of the most successful office holders and prominent pioneer citizens in the county.”

Summer Wheat

Pike County, Indiana

Everything in the biography fits with what I know – My family was a pioneer family in Indiana, settling in Pike County near the town of Petersburg because the land was rich and farmable.  Raising dogs for work and companionship goes back through the generations. Longevity has always been a strong suit – with some members making it just short of 100.  Even the prominence of leadership qualities has followed through. 

But newspaper headline that read “Died By Own Hand – Peter Burkhart Kills His Aged and Faithful Wife and Then Kills Himself” suddenly presented me with information that had not been discussed in the family.  A story I want to know more about.

A Pike County Homestead

The Pike County Democrat newspaper declared this “The most startling case of _____ and suicide which has ever taken place in Pike County.  Peter Burkhart shot his wife, Elizabeth with a shotgun.  She ran out on the porch, followed by Burkhart.  He placed her on a chair where she soon died.  He then took the same gun and emptied a load into his own body.”

The newspaper goes on to report, “It seems however, that without cause he had become jealous of his wife and crazed of the ‘green-eyed monster,’ committed the awful crime which human conscience refuses to commute.  Mr. Burkhart left a piece of writing in which he accuses his aged and faithful wife of marriage infidelity.  This must have been the result of a crazed brain from some accountable cause….”

Peter and Elizabeth Burkhart

Close Up of Their Stone

I know the family had many reasons for letting this family secret pass quickly and quietly into history. But unfortunately, with all of the main family gone, even my grandparents, who would have known parts of the real story, I must now figure out a way to contact cousins to find out more.  And even in this day and age some will want to ‘protect the family secret’ of a murder – suicide that happened well over 100 years ago.

Family Tree

Gathering Storm

But this is what genealogy is all about, researching and discovering facts about your ancestors. That includes the hardships and decisions they made, what circumstances they endured that made them who they were.  I don’t know the end story of Peter Burkhart or why he decided to act as he did that fateful July night in 1887, but I intend to find out all that I can to help me understand it. And who knows what other family secrets I may uncover...

Key in Lock

Remember that if we continue to keep those family secrets, key components of family history will never get fully revealed or stand a chance of being explained.  That could leave us with a large gap in the understanding of who our ancestors were, and the real information that could help us make sense of them could end up lost forever.

As George Bernard Shaw said, “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”

~ Joy

Having the Last Say – Epitaphs

Godspeed or Good Luck

Name, Date, God is Love

An epitaph is a short text, inscribed on a tombstone that honors a deceased person, provides information about them, or acts as a message to the living.  How someone is remembered can tell us a lot about who they were, their status in their family and community, and about the period of time in which they lived.

Name, Relationships, Occupation

Aunt

An epitaph may be a simple as someone’s name and his or her birth and death years, or the statement of a family relationship such as father or aunt.  But epitaphs can also be very detailed, or rhyming, a poem, or simply a remembrance.  Epitaphs are as distinctive and varied as the people they are a tribute to.

Greek urn

Spanish Epitaph

Epitaphs have been used for centuries beginning with symbols or signs carved into a rock and placed on the deceased’s grave. The Egyptians, Romans and Greeks all used symbols or shapes to signify who was buried in a plot.  The Greeks were said to have eight different grave forms; rectangular slabs, round columns, vases, stone blocks, receptacles for cremated remains, stone coffins, shrines, and carved stones.

Diodorus' stone

A Roman epitaph of ancient gladiator Disorders, transcribed recently from the 2^nd or 3^rd century A.D. reads, “Here I lie victorious, Diodorus the wretched. After breaking my opponent Demetrius, I did not kill him immediately. But murderous Fate and the cunning treachery of the summa rudis killed me...”

Painting by Jean-Leon Gerome Pollice Verso

Epitaph on Diodours' tombstone

The summa rudis, or chief stick, refers to the referee of the game.  Apparently the ref made a bad call, which cost Diodorus his life, and his family did not want this mistake to be forgotten, so it was depicted and inscribed on his tombstone.

Epitaph on White Bronze marker
from the 1800's

The use of epitaphs became widespread near the end of the 1700’s in Europe and 1800's in America. During the nineteenth century they became longer and more detailed, but by the turn of this century, epitaphs began to become more concise again.

Hand-written epitaph

Hand-painted epitaph

During the 1870’s and again in the early 1900’s when times were tough and money was scarce, many tombstones were made from concrete slabs.  Carved by the family, inscribed with a stick in wet cement or painted with a brush, the epitaph was still heartfelt.

An epitaph can be descriptive, religious, thought provoking, or humorous.  It all depends on the personality buried there.  Many times the deceased selected their own epitaph.  If not, then a loved one or family member might do so.  An epitaph may be an expression of grief or love.  It might indicate immigration or illness.  It can be a testament to a life well lived or a love to last forever.  It is a summation of someone’s personal story.

Epitaphs can be placed in many groups, here are just a few I've found:

Tried & True Epitaphs

At Rest

Dear Wife

Gone But Not Forgotten

Grief & Sorrow

Wife, Mother, Friend
All lost in thee.

Dear Morgan thou hast left me
In this world to weep for thee
But with God's will and his good pleasure
I soon will be at rest with thee.

Religious

Blessed are the pure in heart
For they shall see God

Asleep in Jesus

Strength through faith

Unto him that loved us and washed
us from our sins in his own blood - -
to him be the glory and dominion for ever
and ever. Amen. Rev. 1: 5-6

Loving

But, oh for the touch of a
vanished hand and the
sound of a voice that is still

Husband, may we pass together
through the gate ajar.

Thou art gone but remembered

Wait for me, the best is yet to be

Inspirational

An inspiration to all
who knew him

He caught joy on the wing
and enriched our lives

Remember me with laughter

Two epitaphs on this couples stone.
His:  Bonds exist that will never be broke.
He that was dead, lives.
Hers:  One life has finished
and time has come for another to begin

Tributes

He was faithful to every duty

She died as she lived,
a noble woman.

Purity and innocence
require no epitaph
or letter of credit
in the land of spirits

Her beautiful face was heaven's mirror.
Her heart a sanctuary of prayer and love;
With duty fulfilled and faith unfaltering,
The noble spirit entered the court above. 

Our Crown Jewel 

Philosophical

As I sleep this lonely night,
I think of the bird lost in flight...

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Sheltered and safe
from sorrow

No man is an island entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main

Poems

The kiss of the sun for pardon,
The song of the birds for mirth,
One is nearer God's heart in a garden
Than anywhere else on earth.

Dear Husband Can I e're forget,
Or shall the grave eternally sever?
No, in my memory you still live yet.
And in my heart you will live forever.

Why weep ye then for him, who, having won
The bound of man's appointed years, at last,
Life's blessings all enjoyed, Life's labors done
Serenely to  his final resting place has passed.

Life is real!  Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

These are just some examples of the many different types of epitaphs.  So what would you choose for yours?

~ Joy