It
is inevitable - we will all die. And for most of us a funeral or memorial
service will be held. But what is the advantage of this service? Why do we expect it, and continue to do
it? Who really benefits from it?
Funeral
Rites
Funeral
rites have always been a part of our civilization. All successful cultures have believed that the dead needed
attended to in a proper manner. Burial grounds dating back to 60,000 BC show
that gifts were left next to the body and rituals were performed - by
Neanderthal man.
There
are three conditions that are always found when dealing of the dead:
1)
Funeral rites, ceremonies or rituals are held
2)
The dead are taken to a sacred place to be left
3)
The dead are memorialized in some manner
Many
death rites and ceremonies were based in fear. They were used to protect the
living from evil spirits that were associated with being in or near the dead
body.
Sacrifices
were offered after a death to appease these evil spirits, or to assist the
deceased into another world.
Today,
many of our funeral customs are still based in pagan rituals.
For example:
Lighting
candles was originally a way to keep evil spirits at bay while dealing with the
dead.
Covering
the deceased’s face with a cloth was actually done to stop their spirit from
escape through the mouth, possibly stopping death from taking them.
Mourning
clothes came about in order to fool returning spirits who might want to take
others with them.
Wakes
were originally held to make sure that the person was dead and did not ‘wake’
up.
Sending
flowers with the body was a way of gaining favor with the dead.
Funeral
music began as ancient chants used to pacify the spirits.
The
tolling of bells began during medieval times as a way to warn evil spirits away.
Gathering
after the funeral for food and fellowship began as a way to offer food to the
gods or deceased for special favors.
Why
Embalm?
In
ancient times, embalming was done so that the soul would not leave the
body. It was believed that the
soul would stay as long as the body was intact. Embalming was also done for
sanitary reasons.
 |
| Dr Thomas Holmes |
In
America, embalming became accepted during the Civil War. President Lincoln was
interested in a way to send soldiers home for interment. Dr. Thomas Holmes embalmed over
4,000 soldiers and officers so that they could be returned to their families
for a proper burial. Once Holmes understood the potential of embalming, he
resigned his commission and offered embalming to the public for $100.
 |
| Lenin |
In
our modern world, embalming is used to disinfect the body. It is also a sanitary way to preserve
the body for the visitation and funeral service. Embalming can also lend a
life-like appearance to the deceased and improve the appearance of someone who
had a traumatic death.
The
Funeral Service
Ceremonies
and rites were originally held to placate the spirits. But for hundreds of years, funeral
services have been held to assist the living in expressing their grief, find support
through friends and family, and celebrate the deceased’s life.
Each
step of the service is a part of the grieving process. Having the body present
during a visitation assists the bereaved in recognizing the reality of
death. According to Dr. Erich
Lindemann, American author and psychiatrist, specializing in bereavement, “The moment of
truth comes when living persons confront the fact of death by looking at the
body. Grief is a feeling. If you deny it, you have difficulty coping with it,
but if you face it, you start the process of healthful mourning!”
The
visitation and funeral service also allows visitors an opportunity to remember
the deceased and share those memories with others. It is a way to honor and celebrate the deceased’s
accomplishments and life.
The
final step, the committal of the remains, helps the survivors acknowledge that
they must now break with the past and move on into the future without their
loved one.
The
Grief Cycle
A
description of the cycle of grief was first introduced in 1969 by Elizabeth
Kubler-Ross, after studying more than 500 dying people. It consists of five stages that a
person goes through when dealing with death or tragedy.
1)
Denial - Usually only a temporary defense.
2)
Anger – A person realizes that they cannot continue with the denial and moves
into this phase where blaming and rage occur.
3)
Bargaining – Trying to negotiate for more time.
4)
Grieving/Depression – This is the stage where the certainity of death is
understood.
5)
Acceptance – The last stage where a person comes to terms with death or
tragedy.
These
stages are not necessarily felt in this order but everyone goes through at
least two of them. Women are more likely to experience all five. Results from the study indicated that
those who felt they had found their purpose in life faced death with less fear
than those who had not.
Sir
William Gladstone summed it up best, "
Show me the manner in which a
nation cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the
tender mercies of its people, their respect for the laws of the land, and their
loyalty to high ideals."
~ Joy
We
share our hopes, our dreams, our joys, and our disasters on social media - be it new jobs,
long-distance moves, joyous births, long-awaited marriages, or the finality for us all - death. But is social media the
right platform to use to share and express our grief? 
Although
technology has changed the way we mourn, that doesn’t mean it’s become trivialized,
or that social media has made it any less meaningful. In fact, experts say that
the internet offers a form of instant support that can comfort and sustain
us through the heartaches of death and grief by letting us know we are not alone.
Unlike
the Victorian Era when mourning had a prescribed time limit and manner of dress,
today there are no set-in-stone rules. Social
media can keep us connected to the world, but still allow us private time alone.
I
suppose you could look it as our 21st century way of acknowledging
a death. And just like our Victorian ancestors who hung mourning
wreaths on the doors and scattered straw on the street in front of the
deceased’s home so that the sounds of life were muted for a time; social media now gives us a chance to share our loss and grief with others and be sustained by them, while still allowing us the privacy to bow
our heads and mourn.
