Having the Last Say – Epitaphs

Godspeed or Good Luck

Name, Date, God is Love

An epitaph is a short text, inscribed on a tombstone that honors a deceased person, provides information about them, or acts as a message to the living.  How someone is remembered can tell us a lot about who they were, their status in their family and community, and about the period of time in which they lived.

Name, Relationships, Occupation

Aunt

An epitaph may be a simple as someone’s name and his or her birth and death years, or the statement of a family relationship such as father or aunt.  But epitaphs can also be very detailed, or rhyming, a poem, or simply a remembrance.  Epitaphs are as distinctive and varied as the people they are a tribute to.

Greek urn

Spanish Epitaph

Epitaphs have been used for centuries beginning with symbols or signs carved into a rock and placed on the deceased’s grave. The Egyptians, Romans and Greeks all used symbols or shapes to signify who was buried in a plot.  The Greeks were said to have eight different grave forms; rectangular slabs, round columns, vases, stone blocks, receptacles for cremated remains, stone coffins, shrines, and carved stones.

Diodorus' stone

A Roman epitaph of ancient gladiator Disorders, transcribed recently from the 2^nd or 3^rd century A.D. reads, “Here I lie victorious, Diodorus the wretched. After breaking my opponent Demetrius, I did not kill him immediately. But murderous Fate and the cunning treachery of the summa rudis killed me...”

Painting by Jean-Leon Gerome Pollice Verso

Epitaph on Diodours' tombstone

The summa rudis, or chief stick, refers to the referee of the game.  Apparently the ref made a bad call, which cost Diodorus his life, and his family did not want this mistake to be forgotten, so it was depicted and inscribed on his tombstone.

Epitaph on White Bronze marker
from the 1800's

The use of epitaphs became widespread near the end of the 1700’s in Europe and 1800's in America. During the nineteenth century they became longer and more detailed, but by the turn of this century, epitaphs began to become more concise again.

Hand-written epitaph

Hand-painted epitaph

During the 1870’s and again in the early 1900’s when times were tough and money was scarce, many tombstones were made from concrete slabs.  Carved by the family, inscribed with a stick in wet cement or painted with a brush, the epitaph was still heartfelt.

An epitaph can be descriptive, religious, thought provoking, or humorous.  It all depends on the personality buried there.  Many times the deceased selected their own epitaph.  If not, then a loved one or family member might do so.  An epitaph may be an expression of grief or love.  It might indicate immigration or illness.  It can be a testament to a life well lived or a love to last forever.  It is a summation of someone’s personal story.

Epitaphs can be placed in many groups, here are just a few I've found:

Tried & True Epitaphs

At Rest

Dear Wife

Gone But Not Forgotten

Grief & Sorrow

Wife, Mother, Friend
All lost in thee.

Dear Morgan thou hast left me
In this world to weep for thee
But with God's will and his good pleasure
I soon will be at rest with thee.

Religious

Blessed are the pure in heart
For they shall see God

Asleep in Jesus

Strength through faith

Unto him that loved us and washed
us from our sins in his own blood - -
to him be the glory and dominion for ever
and ever. Amen. Rev. 1: 5-6

Loving

But, oh for the touch of a
vanished hand and the
sound of a voice that is still

Husband, may we pass together
through the gate ajar.

Thou art gone but remembered

Wait for me, the best is yet to be

Inspirational

An inspiration to all
who knew him

He caught joy on the wing
and enriched our lives

Remember me with laughter

Two epitaphs on this couples stone.
His:  Bonds exist that will never be broke.
He that was dead, lives.
Hers:  One life has finished
and time has come for another to begin

Tributes

He was faithful to every duty

She died as she lived,
a noble woman.

Purity and innocence
require no epitaph
or letter of credit
in the land of spirits

Her beautiful face was heaven's mirror.
Her heart a sanctuary of prayer and love;
With duty fulfilled and faith unfaltering,
The noble spirit entered the court above. 

Our Crown Jewel 

Philosophical

As I sleep this lonely night,
I think of the bird lost in flight...

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Sheltered and safe
from sorrow

No man is an island entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main

Poems

The kiss of the sun for pardon,
The song of the birds for mirth,
One is nearer God's heart in a garden
Than anywhere else on earth.

Dear Husband Can I e're forget,
Or shall the grave eternally sever?
No, in my memory you still live yet.
And in my heart you will live forever.

Why weep ye then for him, who, having won
The bound of man's appointed years, at last,
Life's blessings all enjoyed, Life's labors done
Serenely to  his final resting place has passed.

Life is real!  Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

These are just some examples of the many different types of epitaphs.  So what would you choose for yours?

~ Joy

Keeping the Memory Alive

Memory Medallion®

Last week I wrote about the life of a dear friend, Hap Fleming.  I wished I could have shared some of Hap’s music and Annis’ singing with you. Then I remembered meeting Glenn Toothman at the Midwest Family Expo in July. I immediately located the information he had given me on his company, Memory Medallion®.  Let me state up front, I am not affiliated with, nor do I receive any compensation for this product.  But I am intrigued by it and can see so much potential for genealogists in helping to share our love of family and ancestors, with each other and the world. Just the idea of being able to share a video of Grandma at a family reunion, or a genealogy conference, is fascinating and fun.

Glenn Toothman
Photo by Rebecca Droth -
Pittsburg Post-Gazette

Glenn Toothman came up with the idea of a way to digitally preserve and share photos, videos and family stories about a decade ago.  Toothman said that his father is the reason. His dad returned from a visit to a local cemetery some years back, frustrated that there was no real way to let others know who these people were, what they had done, how they had lived.  Their lives were represented by nothing more than a dash between the date of birth and death.  His father then challenged him to create a better way to honor and remember those who had passed.  Toothman, who was a county district attorney at the time, accepted the challenge and set to work.

Medallion with QR Code

The results are a medallion about the size of a half-dollar.  It is placed on a cemetery stone, mausoleum, or vault and is created to withstand harsh weather conditions.  Each medallion has a QR code, serial number and access code that allows the purchaser entry to a web site online where they can build a loved one’s story profile to share.  The profile can be made up of photos, videos, music, web links, even friends and family reminiscing about the loved one.  The customer can put the profile together and edit it as often as they choose.  The company offers several video tutorials to assist in creating a memorable story. Family members can also work together to share and create displays, each adding what they have to the profile.  Anyone with a smart phone can read the QR code, similar to a barcode, and view the display in the cemetery.  You can also email the web link to those you want to view it, or post it on your Facebook or Twitter page for anyone to see.

Medallions also come in the form of a heart-shaped silver locket or military-style dog tag that you can wear.

The average Memory Medallion® package runs around $225 and includes the medallion, website location for eight photos and a 1,000 word story and printed biography.  Some models are now under $80.

Memory Medallions are located on Veterans Memorials,  9/11 Monuments and personal graves.  Toothman says that the medallions are also being used to memorialize weddings, anniversaries, births, graduations and special pets.  Also on Alumni Walls, sports walls. For more information, visit their web page at http://www.memorymedallion.com/index  or on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/MemoryMedallion

With this being Thanksgiving weekend and families gathered together for a few days, maybe this would be the perfect time to begin to assemble the lifetime story of a loved one or ancestor.  What a special way to remember and celebrate someone’s life.

~ Joy

(All photos not labeled are courtesy of Memory Medallions)

Remembering a Life Well Lived - Harry ‘Hap’ Fleming

There is an old adage genealogists will appreciate, “You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.”  And many times they become your family.

Harry 'Hap' Fleming
and Nipper

This post began as a remembrance to an old and dear friend, Harry ‘Hap’ Fleming. (He earned the name ‘Hap’ as a child because he was always happy.) But as I attempted to put the pictorial elements together, I realized how many times, we as genealogists, face the situation where all of the pieces of someone’s life are gone!  They’ve been discarded after the person died - thrown away, given away or sold in hopes of making a ‘big’ profit.  Unfortunately, this was the case with Hap’s photo album and scrapbooks.  This was Hap’s chronicle to his younger days when he played with the Big Bands.

Tommy Dorssey

Jimmy Dorsey

Now, granted, there were no pictures of Glen Miller’s Band or Tommy Dorsey’s Orchestra in Hap’s album, though Hap did play gigs where the Dorsey Brothers were playing.  According to Hap, “Those boys fought tooth and nail, day and night, until they went on stage.  Then they put all differences aside and played “the music that satisfies,” (a reference to the Chesterfield Quarter Hour program from 1932.)  Jimmy broke off from his brother Tommy’s band and both men went on to lead two of the most popular Big Bands of the era.

1930's Ballroom

No, Hap Fleming started out in a dance band back in the 30’s as a piano player.  And Hap could PLAY!  Although he did take lessons for a year or so as a child, he refused to practice.  Finally his piano teacher told his mother, “Stop wasting your money on that boy.  He’ll never learn the correct piano techniques.”  And it was true, he never learned the schooled method – but Hap could make a piano come alive, playing swinging Big Band tunes that made you want to dance, or quiet sentimental ‘sweet’ music, that made you remember and long for something better.  He was a natural, playing it all by ear.

Lawrence Welk

A Pennsylvania native, Hap played with several bands including the Jimmy Simms Orchestra.  He joined fellow Kittanning resident, Angelo ‘Angie’ Sgro’s swing band in the forties.  They started out playing places like the Alexander Hotel and graduated to the Sunset Grove Ballroom near Rural Valley, Pennsylvania.  The 13-member group opened for the Big Band greats such as Jan Garber, Sammy Kay, and Lawrence Welk.  And once, Lawrence Welk’s Orchestra returned the favor and actually opened for them!

Band Leader Lee Angelo
(Angie Sgro)

The Band's 36 Olds Station Wagon

The dance band’s popularity grew.  They played Pittsburgh and were ‘discovered.’ The group of hometown boys came to be known as the Lee Angelo Dance Band. They toured the country, packing ballrooms, country clubs and dance halls from Pittsburgh to Denver, Chicago to Mississippi. Hap’s stories of playing till early in the morning, then packing it all up into a couple of station wagons and heading down the road to the next gig, always captivated me.  I could just imagine those (always, in my mind) moonlit drives in the middle of the night, still talking and joking about the evening’s show, until the first glimpse of dawn, when everyone would settle down and sleep until the cars pulled in to the next town and it was time to get up and do it all again – simply for the pure joy of it!

Club Trocadero

So it would only make sense that Hap would meet the love of his life ‘on the road.’  Annis Skaggs Fleming was a singer with a local Big Band. She and Hap both were playing at the Club Trocadero Club in Henderson, Kentucky when they met.  Two months later they were married.  They toured together with Lee Angelo’s band for a short time, but Annis became homesick, so they returned to her hometown of Robinson, Illinois. 

Guy Winger Combo with
Annis and Hap Fleming,
Florence and Guy Winger

Hap found a job in real estate, but a piano was always close at hand. He began playing piano for the Guy Winger Combo.  Annis returned as the group’s singer and soon the quartet was traveling around the Midwest.  When the group disbanded several years later, Hap continued to play.  He would perform solo for restaurants, civic groups and clubs throughout the Indiana- Illinois region.  In fact, he was still playing piano for the public when he was 90.

Crawford County Historical Society

SAR Logo for
Pennsylvania

Hap also had a love of history.  He was a proud member of the Sons of the American Revolution, having a maternal and paternal Revolutionary ancestor who fought in the war.  Hap worked countless hours as a volunteer at the Crawford County Historical Society in Robinson, Illinois, and helped establish a museum for county history and artifacts, serving as president for many years. 

Author James Jones
 and Desk

Author James Jones was a Robinson native and friend of Hap and Annis’.  Both always had wonderful stories to tell about him and the scandalous book he wrote that was a thinly disguised story of the ‘good and bad’ in the little town of Robinson.  Hap was instrumental in saving the desk where Jones wrote “From Here to Eternity,” and having it reconstructed and reconditioned for the museum.

Jimmy Stewart

Carol Lombard & Clark Gable

It seems Hap and Annis always knew famous people.  As a child, Hap and Jimmy Stewart played together while their father’s fished.  Author James Jones dated Annis in high school and later wrote a short story, ‘The Ice Cream Headache’ for her.  Hap was well acquainted with Lawrence Welk, and Ann B. Davis of Brady Bunch fame was a frequent dinner guest in Robinson. Once, while dining at a swank dinner club in Chicago, the maitre d’ approached Hap and Annis, asking if they would mind sharing their out-of-the-way table with another couple.  After saying yes, Clark Gable and Carole Lombard were seated with them for an entertaining evening.  And, unbeknownst to me, Hap was having breakfast with Richard Geer when they shot the Mothman Prophecies in Kittanning.  True to his word, he didn’t tell anyone until after the shoot was over.

Wine Painting by Hap Fleming

And the story of Hap’s life wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the oil paintings he and Annis did.  Encouraged by Annis’ brother, they bought canvas, paints, easels, and began.  Both had an artistic eye and the natural talent to paint interesting and captivating pictures.  When finished they would gift their paintings to people around the country.  I am proud to say that I own the only oil Hap painted that had to do with wine.  Since that is my profession, it means a lot to me.

Unfortunately when Hap died in November 2003 his estate was intestate.  He trusted that what he said he wanted to happen would.  Somewhere along the line his Big Band photo album and scrapbooks disappeared.  My fear is that they were parted out and the famous Big Band autographs and photos he had collected over the years were sold for cash.  Done so without a thought to the fact that these books were a very meaningful record of his life.

Regrettably this happens all too often.  So a few pointers; make sure, if you are the person designated to receive a loved one’s memory books, it’s put in writing and you have a copy.  If those items are truly gone, try to recreate what you remember was there.  Contact anyone you can remember who might still have photos or mementos of those earlier times.  This applies not only to those who have recently passed, but ancestors from generations back.  The Internet makes detective work more possible and much easier now.  You’ll be surprised what is out there.

Club Trocadero Menu

Article on Lee Angelo Band

EBay is a wealth of old pictures, postcards, dance cards and menus from long forgotten places.  Check 
newspaperarchives.com for any relevant clippings and articles.  Although I haven’t located the actual 1930’s articles about his band, I did rediscover this write up done in the Indiana, Pennsylvania Gazette newspaper.  This came out in December 2000 when Brian and I were spending the holidays with Hap.  He told me stories about the ‘Big Band days’ yet again, and finding this helped to jog my memory on other anecdotes he had shared with me throughout the years.

We lost Hap on November 20, 2003.
 He was 92.

While I do not have Hap’s actual photos and keepsakes, I have the memories of countless hours spent pouring over his scrapbooks with him, and his enjoyment in retelling and reliving the life that went with them.  Those memories are the most wonderful of all – and they are something I’ll always treasure.  

Harry 'Hap' Fleming

During our last visit with Hap, he sat at the piano for well over an hour one evening, playing song after song, taking us all back to another time when the music, and life, seemed to be more straightforward and less complicated.   And the fact that Hap could convey that at the piano was just a part of his magical gift.  It was, quite simply, just who he was.  Hap Fleming was a man who enjoyed life and making people happy with his music.  What a wonderful way to be remembered.

~ Joy


(Special thanks to Tim and Jane Attaway of Pulliam's Funeral Home, Oblong, Illinois.
And to Sue Jones, Crawford County Historical Society, Robinson, Illinois.)